CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

Sgt.SID

Sgt.SID

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Joined
Jul 11, 2009
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Sixer started this on the chat box but it is to funny to pass up and I've been rolling ever since.
  • http://www.nochucknorris.com/


    THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:
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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]01[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]02[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]03[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]04[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]05[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]06[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]07[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]08[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]09[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.[/FONT][/TD]

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]10[/FONT]​
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    [TD="width: 641"][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.[/FONT][/TD]

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They wanted to carve Chuck Norris into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
 
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck has allowed to live.
 
Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice
 
Sun burns do not result from exposure to the sun; they result from the heat of Chuck Norris' glare.


Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.


Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.


The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
 
  1. Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of your face.
  2. Chuck Norris can kill a rhino with its own horn.
  3. Even Atheists believe in Chuck Norris.
  4. The free parking spot in Monopoly belongs to Chuck Norris.
  5. Japan has Godzilla; Texas has Chuck Norris.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe; he holds air hostage.
  7. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with a mirror.
  8. Chuck Norris once made a bet with the Hulk; whoever loses in arm-wrestling must paint himself green.
  9. Chuck Norris once ran the Tour de France... and won.
  10. Ozzy Ozbourne once bit off the head of a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit off the head of Batman.
  11. When Chuck Norris was in Little League, he bunted a 480-yard home run.
  12. By the time Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he already had three missed calls (from Chuck Norris).
  13. Chuck Norris is so tough, he makes onions cry.
  14. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow beneath his gun.
  15. Chuck Norris only needs a stunt-double for crying scenes.
 
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