Farstar
Registered User
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2009
- Messages
- 583
1. Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fucked for like an hour. Played HER xbox, while getting a bj. Fucked again. More xbox and bj. Fell asleep, and what do I wake up to? Motherfucking pancakes... with chocolate chips. I'm in love...
2. I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it's web. They all have English accents. I'm drunk and this weed is incredible!
3. she was blowing me and i farted, she gave me a high five and kept going. keep her?
4. I would plow her like an amish guy supporting his family
5. Dude i'm not sure who's apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal..
6. (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
7. (631): DUDE! IM GONNA BE ON COPS!
8. (303): i have bruises on my hips that really really represent the exact marks of a guys hands from grabbing me and f*cking me from behind.... i thought me and you and your boyfriend were hanging out last night?
9. (608): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
10. (908): I didn't have enough money for condoms so i bought a scratch off- won 10 bucks- redeemed it for the damn condoms, a pack of gum, and a fuckin snickers.. time to get laid
11. (215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.
12. (618): Why is there a hole in my wall? (recvd): Last night, after 8 shots, you had a dance contest with your dog, got mad cause you thought you lost, and punched the wall.
13. (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
14. (303): (sent): DUDE! MY MOM GOT TAKEN BY ALIENS! (rec'd): lol wtf? (sent): don't LOL. its 3am and shes not home. this has NEVER happened! (rec'd): its cool i just got a txt from them saying she'll be home tmro. (sent): UR A F*CKIN LIAR! they cant speak english dumbass! (rec'd): iPhone translation. there's an app for that.
15. (401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!
16. (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
17. (802): naked , 2 am, locked inside toys are us. a finger puppet on my dick. and a hot chick next to me.
18. (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
19. (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
20. (604): you were about to get laid, but on your way to the bedroom you saw a Burger King paper crown. you ditched the girl and pranced around my house yelling "I AM FOOFY, KING OF THE SEALS!"
21. (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home... MDT
22. (Anonymous): Last night, "I ran into a ditch, dodged a mailbox, jumped a driveway completely airborne, landed, and drifted around a 90 degree curve. Everyone in the car just about shit except me. I said 'remember that shortcut' and kept driving." MDT
23. (516): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. (edit: I gotta try this one!)
2. I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it's web. They all have English accents. I'm drunk and this weed is incredible!
3. she was blowing me and i farted, she gave me a high five and kept going. keep her?
4. I would plow her like an amish guy supporting his family
5. Dude i'm not sure who's apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal..
6. (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
7. (631): DUDE! IM GONNA BE ON COPS!
8. (303): i have bruises on my hips that really really represent the exact marks of a guys hands from grabbing me and f*cking me from behind.... i thought me and you and your boyfriend were hanging out last night?
9. (608): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
10. (908): I didn't have enough money for condoms so i bought a scratch off- won 10 bucks- redeemed it for the damn condoms, a pack of gum, and a fuckin snickers.. time to get laid
11. (215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.
12. (618): Why is there a hole in my wall? (recvd): Last night, after 8 shots, you had a dance contest with your dog, got mad cause you thought you lost, and punched the wall.
13. (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
14. (303): (sent): DUDE! MY MOM GOT TAKEN BY ALIENS! (rec'd): lol wtf? (sent): don't LOL. its 3am and shes not home. this has NEVER happened! (rec'd): its cool i just got a txt from them saying she'll be home tmro. (sent): UR A F*CKIN LIAR! they cant speak english dumbass! (rec'd): iPhone translation. there's an app for that.
15. (401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!
16. (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
17. (802): naked , 2 am, locked inside toys are us. a finger puppet on my dick. and a hot chick next to me.
18. (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
19. (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
20. (604): you were about to get laid, but on your way to the bedroom you saw a Burger King paper crown. you ditched the girl and pranced around my house yelling "I AM FOOFY, KING OF THE SEALS!"
21. (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home... MDT
22. (Anonymous): Last night, "I ran into a ditch, dodged a mailbox, jumped a driveway completely airborne, landed, and drifted around a 90 degree curve. Everyone in the car just about shit except me. I said 'remember that shortcut' and kept driving." MDT
23. (516): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. (edit: I gotta try this one!)
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