Massive Snowstorm Leaves Thousands Without Access To Pornography

shockwave

shockwave

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Power outages throughout the Midwest have left millions of residents without the ability to watch their library of girl-on-girl DVDs or access fetish videos online.




<iframe frameborder="no" width="480" height="270" scrolling="no" src="http://www.theonion.com/video_embed/?id=18993"></iframe><br /><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-snowstorm-leaves-thousands-without-access,18993/" target="_blank" title="Massive Snowstorm Leaves Thousands Without Access To Pornography">Massive Snowstorm Leaves Thousands Without Access To Pornography</a>

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EMERGENCY PORN SUPPLY

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I've spent 28 of the last 33 hours out plowing this storm for the state of Illinois. Our yard has 18 trucks, 9 of us got stuck and needed wreckers, who also wound up getting stuck. By far the worst blizzard I've ever been in. Wind gusts of 70mph with snow falling at up to 3" per hour on open country roads at night equals zero visibility nightmares and dozens of stranded motorists we had to rescue. Here's a couple pics
of my truck after I got it stuck.
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I had the national weather radar up on my laptop as this thing approached and you could tell it was bearing down hard on that area and based on your photos it looks like it did exactly that.


A buddy of mine that owns a tree cutting company sent me pictures from several jobs that they have been on out of state since this storm started and I have to tell you we really dodged a bullet here in Cincinnati. We got a lot of steady rain but unlike some areas just one county north of here, Cincinnati stayed a few degrees above freezing just long enough for the rain to stop before the temp plunged below that critical mark..
 
nice pics. looks like fun times. how did you manage to get that far on the side of the road? atleast you guys got snow. i got like an inch of ice and still cant move my car out of its icy hell called a driveway.
 
Just get a dog; that way you don't need a porn bunker and as an added bonus the dog is interactive. How cool is that. One jar of peanut butter and you're both good to go.
 
sixer9682 said:
Just get a dog; that way you don't need a porn bunker and as an added bonus the dog is interactive. How cool is that. One jar of peanut butter and you're both good to go.
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I will now shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails in an attempt to get that visual out of my head...
 
Come on, one jar of crunchy and both you and the dog are happy. It's a win-win for all involved.
 
Funny shit, Cryptkickr. While Balls, Soulzz, and Vengeance are set - I thought the anal would have Sixer's name on it.
 
I thought the anal would have Sixer's name on it.
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Sheesh. How many times do I have to say this, that's why you have a dog. As an added bonus, when play time is done the furry beast keeps you warm and all it asks for is a little Jiff. Man's best friend indeed.
 
Frit0z said:
nice pics. looks like fun times. how did you manage to get that far on the side of the road?
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Haha, this is "barely" off the road. I plowed half an acre of cornfield just to find the road earlier in the night. You could not see past the plow blade, at all. I had to stop every once in a while to open my door and shine my flashlight at the ground under my truck to make sure I was still on asphalt. With snow on the road already ranging in depth from 8" to 7' the angle blade will push your truck right off the road, not to mention dodging all the stuck cars you can't see until they are literally less than ten feet in front of you. You can't see from the angle in that pic, but directly on the other side of the road from me about 30' away was a new BMW that was lodged in the bank. You kind of had to steer the truck with the plow blade, but it didn't matter because you simply had no idea where you were going. Your best hope was to keep the driver window down and hope you could make out some kind of feature that would indicate whether or not you were in the vicinity of the road. I spent 12 hours in that ditch waiting for the wrecker, because the wrecker was stuck. At least he had a sleeper cab.
 
See, here's a good example of a florida emergency Hurricane bunker complete with dog. Chuck is the one on the right.

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